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If you didn't like the episode because (1) another dead woman, (2) Dean lying to Sam, or (3) Dean boneheadedly allowing the kid to live in direct contradiction to his rationale for killing Amy, I can't disagree with any of that, but it still worked for me. Within the narrative, I think Dean was right--the next time her kid was in trouble, of course she was going to kill more people. Dean knows that as well as anyone could (the things I'd do for this family, they scare me--and that was S1). And I think he infers/projects, correctly, that eating the living is yummier and thus requires resistance, so self-interest and family protection are going to be pointing in the same direction for her--yeah, chances are she'll kill again. (Sam may have identified with Amy, but Dean just a couple of weeks before was using his torturer's skills to find Ben and Lisa, so I'm thinking that Dean was also identifying and therefore not liking what he saw.)
At the same time, we've seen Dean unable to kill kids before, and he could at least tell himself that the kid hadn't yet become a killer and that he wasn't going to execute a kid without a record. Also, and more importantly, hello Dean's death wish! I've missed you! Could he really hope for anything better than being put down as a monster by the monster whose mother he killed? So this was a well-motivated boneheaded choice that seemed very Dean to me.
The lying to Sam is sad, but until I see differently I'm going with "Dean trusts Sam about Sam, but not so much about monsters Sam identifies with and wants to think won't kill again."
At the same time, we've seen Dean unable to kill kids before, and he could at least tell himself that the kid hadn't yet become a killer and that he wasn't going to execute a kid without a record. Also, and more importantly, hello Dean's death wish! I've missed you! Could he really hope for anything better than being put down as a monster by the monster whose mother he killed? So this was a well-motivated boneheaded choice that seemed very Dean to me.
The lying to Sam is sad, but until I see differently I'm going with "Dean trusts Sam about Sam, but not so much about monsters Sam identifies with and wants to think won't kill again."
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As for Dean ordering, he does it because people look to him to do it. He follows if someone comes up with a plan (even if it is as stupid a plan as the whole Sam taking control of Lucifer thing) but Sam and Castiel look to Dean to lead and so he does. I don't think he makes the best decisions but he at least decides. What Sam needs to do is acknowledge that Dean WILL follow him when Sam starts acting like an adult.
One of the worst things for me is knowing Dean's abandonment issues and his vulnerability because of his broken leg, Sam still deserted Dean and refused to take Dean's calls. That is the action of an immature child, not a responsible adult, particularly one suffering from hallucinations.
The writing was set up to make Sam look good and Dean look bad, but I don't accept that it did that.