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So, I've decided to make an Evil Overlord multifandom vid. The idea is to have a voiceover recite bits from "When I am an Evil Overlord" to the tune of that Baz Luhrmann sunscreen song while various villains do stupid things. But I need help: behind the cut tag is a list of maxims that are potentially viddable. What I need are suggestions for particular moments from various fandoms that fit the bill. I have a few suggestions already, but I'd like a wide range of shows/movies represented. Please take a look, and put the word out for other fans to come help out. Obviously, not all of these will make it into the final version, but the more options I have, the more fun this is likely to be. (Restriction: I haven't yet got a capture card, so the source show has to be available on DVD or at least on Bittorrent.)
ETA: For TV shows, please give episode titles if you know them, because I'm unfamiliar with a lot of the suggestions and I'm going to have to Netflix almost all of it, which will be easier (not to mention cheaper!) if I can specify which disc I need.
Example:
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones. [The classic: Star Wars "broken radio" scene]
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. [Die Hard] [Dr. No]
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness. [LoTR]
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out. [Princess Bride, wedding scene]
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head. [Buffy: Evil Willow]
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks. [Return of the Jedi: Ewoks attack]
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion. [Darth Vader puts on his helmet in Empire]
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps. [Buffy: Graduation Day]
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices. [Terminator: Kyle arrives]
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks. [Independence Day, natch]
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual. [Stargate SG-1, Upgrades]
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight. [Stargate SG-1, almost any episode on a Goa'uld ship]
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals. [Star Wars]
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him. [Princess Bride?]
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
Come on; you know you want to nominate every stupid thing that made you scream at the TV when you first saw it.
I would love it if you all passed this on, too.
ETA: For TV shows, please give episode titles if you know them, because I'm unfamiliar with a lot of the suggestions and I'm going to have to Netflix almost all of it, which will be easier (not to mention cheaper!) if I can specify which disc I need.
Example:
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones. [The classic: Star Wars "broken radio" scene]
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. [Die Hard] [Dr. No]
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness. [LoTR]
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out. [Princess Bride, wedding scene]
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head. [Buffy: Evil Willow]
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks. [Return of the Jedi: Ewoks attack]
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion. [Darth Vader puts on his helmet in Empire]
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps. [Buffy: Graduation Day]
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices. [Terminator: Kyle arrives]
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks. [Independence Day, natch]
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual. [Stargate SG-1, Upgrades]
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight. [Stargate SG-1, almost any episode on a Goa'uld ship]
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals. [Star Wars]
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him. [Princess Bride?]
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
Come on; you know you want to nominate every stupid thing that made you scream at the TV when you first saw it.
I would love it if you all passed this on, too.
Tags:
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Oh, Luke firing into the ventilation shaft on the Death Star. Gotta be.
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Well, I kind of want to suggest Ethan Hawke in "Reality Bites" but Ming the Merciless from the Flash Gordon movie is probably more to the point.
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Dude.
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From:PotC?
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Oh, man, James Bond, Octopussy - James de-fuses the bomb as the countdown reaches "007".
Gah.
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44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
Mal and Zoe meeting Jayne for the first time in Out of Gas would be hilarious.
And I'll shut up now.
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Except for the part where I lied and I don't shut up.
I see you have Darth Vader for wearing bright cheery clothing to confuse my enemies - I gotta say, better choice would be to show Scorpius in all his black and white glory, and then show him in his hawaiian shirt *on top* of all his black and white glory.
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This makes me think of the moment in the James Bond film 'Goldeneye', where Alan Cumming's character shouts almost exactly these words just before getting instantly deep-frozen.
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That might be amusing.
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Hmm. Willow? The evil overlord is a mother, though. Overlady.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
Stargate, either the movie or the series.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
Beastmaster, again movie or series. Since this rule sounds like it came directly from the movie.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
Hmm. Stargate again, "Window of Opportunity"?
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That could be the moment in Firefly's "War Stories" when everyone shoots the bad guy Mal is fighting.
This is fun. It's like a fannish scavenger hunt.
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Which doesn't help your project, I suppose, but I just had to share that.
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4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
Raiders of the Lost Ark -- Indy shooting the big sword-weilding guy in the market
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push".
Angel S5 - Smile Time - the 'Don't' Room
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
Highlander S1 -- Mountain Men -- The bad guys shoot some cops and dump them off a cliff. Later, Duncan jumps off the cliff, then comes back to life and climbs back up.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
Austin Powers (one of them!) -- something with Doctor Evil & his son?
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
Princess Bride -- when wassisface drinks the poison and laughs until he falls over dead
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
Xena -- something with Callisto
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
BeastMaster -- the sickeningly cute ferrets :->
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
Kevin Costner Robin Hood -- the sheriff marrying Marion. Or was that Men in Tights?
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
Hercules -- the Warrior Princess -- Herc fighting Iolaus while Xena & everybody else stand around and watch
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
Raiders of the Lost Ark -- the big honking mechanic who gets decapitated by the airplane
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Goldfinger: "Do you expect me to talk?" "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
Lionel in jail!!!
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
Buffy: "The Pack" (evil zoologist falls into hyena exhibit)
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
Gotta be Joxer from Xena or Vila from Blakes 7
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
Inigo Montoya gets his revenge in The Princess Bride
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Stormtroopers missing everybody in the escape from the Death Star in ANH
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
Mystique reads the plans for the new Cerebro in XMM2
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
Beatrix takes on Lucy Liu's bodyguards one or two at a time in Kill Bill, v. 1
I bet more will come to me. ;)
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Thanks!
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4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
(Smallville) Lex shoots Phegan near the end of "Vortex" (2.1)
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
(Smallville) Any scene of Lionel getting one up on Lex.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
(Angel) Puppet Angel gets ripped to shreds by werewolf girl in the basement.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell.
(Justice League) Hall of cells in "Starcrossed".
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
(Smallville) Mexican standoff of Lex, Lionel, and Lucas in Luthorcorp offices in "Prodigal".
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- Stargate Hathor - Sam and Janet in prison.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
XF- Nisei/731 - Scully watching the movie to get the keypad combo for the boxcar
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
SG - Beast of Burden
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11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
How about the First (Buffy) not killing Spike, who eventually proves to be its downfall?
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
Caleb's ridiculously stupid taunting that leads Buffy to the scythe thingy that only she can wield (and that hs elater kills him with) that he's helpfully had his minions dig out for her first?
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Might be funny if you use the idea of Faith as the Mayor's metaphorical daughter, who gives Buffy (the hero) the clue to how to defeat him in their shared dream. We all know Faith had the hots for Buffy.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
Harry Potter?
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73. The archery competition in The Adventures of Robin Hood
87. Batman (Tim Burton version) - Joker's fall into the chemical vats
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The thingamijiggy in Tomb Raider might work.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
Okay, it's a parody, but Spaceballs. *g*
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
Lauren on Alias wears a lot of black leather when she's being evil.
This is fun!
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26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
DS9, mirrorverse Kira. (Oh, or Dukat in "Things Past," sending for Bajoran Dax to be his companion. Because it was a whole big thing, the details of which I forget.)
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
Buffy, Adam skewering Maggie.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
Chamber of Secrets, Tom Riddle giving his "So ends the famous Harry Potter" speech before Harry kills the diary.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
Buffy again, Go Fish, the swim coach getting dropped into the pit with his boys.
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Thanks for the suggestions. Do you know episode names for the DS9 Kira?
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24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
Kronos' "I am the end of time!" moment, Highlander, Rev. 6:8
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Methos shoots Duncan in the back, Highlander, Forgive us our Trespasses.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
Tron
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
This sounds like the climax of the first Lara Croft movie.
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Ooh, Johnny Quest just came out on DVD and that sounds like it could be about Bandit, Johnny's sickeningly cute little dog that always stole keys and untied ropes.
In the Get Smart pilot, there's a dog who blows out candles when you sing Happy Birthday to him, so to get him to blow out the fuse on a bomb, Max and 99 (who are tied up) have to sing Happy Birthday. ;)
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How about Diefenbaker in due South? I don't think any dS examples have been suggested. (I'll have to ask around for the best "Dief Saves the Day" episodes/scenes.)
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19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
The 1980 (really campy) 'Flash Gordon' movie - Ming's daughter betrays him for Flash.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
The second half of this one made me think of 'Pirates of the Caribbean', when the prisoners are trying to get the dog to give up the key. :)
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
Not exactly an evil overlord, but in X-Files 'Bad Blood', Mulder throws sunflower seeds to distract the obsessive-compulsive vampire that's attacking him.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
The end of 'Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom' - Indy fights the evil high priest on a rope bridge over a chasm.
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#20 - any Simpsons episode with Sideshow Bob
#26 and #28 both satisfied with the opening of Return of the Jedi - Leia chokes Jabba, and bad guys fall into that pit-with-teeth thingy (do I lose points 'cause I can't remember the name?)
#30 - Matthew Broderick in "Ladyhawke"
#55 - the airport scene from "The Fifth Element"
#62 - also Farscape
#64 - Faith going nutso in "Five By Five", the Mayor washing his hands, Glory in one of her crazier, brain-sucking moments
#74 - BtVS S4...maybe the computer disks from "Primeval"?
#75 - all the Hugo Weavings attacking Keanu in Matrix:2
#76 - Temple of Doom
#85 - any shot of that frickin' seal over the Hellmouth in S7 - the hell?
#87 - pre-Joker Jack Nicholson in the first "Batman"
#91 - Jinx and Glory
heh - this is fun! can't wait to see the vid!
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Star Wars obviously has the goods there, but that last bit reminded me instantly of GalaxyQuest, when Tim Allen and Sigourney Weaver have to time their way through chompers, avoid being crushed by weights and jump through flames.
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#13: Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
24: Goldeneye
26: Flash Gordon, where Dale ends up as Ming's concubine
34: Conan the Barbarian, Aladdin
59: 2001 a Space Odyssey
75: any Buffy ep where she's fighhting more than one vamp.
87: Batman. The Joker falls into the chemicals
90: The Black Hole?
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There's also the brief glimpse of one of the stormtroopers on the Death Star walking into a wall.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
Someone already mentioned Methos shooting Duncan in the back in Forgive Us Our Trespasses, but that example could work just as well here, although they weren't really enemies....
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
The Emperor in Return of the Jedi.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
Hilarious example of this is in The Emperor's New Groove. At the end, the evil Yzma has been transformed into a cat. She catches the vial of potion that will turn her human again and laughs maniacally, only to lose her grip on the potion, which then falls into the hands (er, hooves?) of Kuzco the emperor-turned-llama.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
Miracle Max in The Princess Bride. He hates Humperdink!
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
In Spy Kids, the bad guy sends lots of his thumb goons to seize the third brain, which tips the kids off that it might actually be important.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
Anakin wins the Boonta Eve Classic podrace in TPM, but Watto bets against him because there is no way Anakin could win.
Honorable mentions that may or may not fit any of the above categories:
-Tarkin in ANH: "Evacuate? In our moment of triumph?" The Death Star blows up.
-In the Highlander episode Chivalry, Duncan lets his former lover (Kristen?) live although she is a killer. Methos, the unchivalrous one, quickly dispatches her.
-Also in Highlander (Comes a Horseman or Revelations 6:8), Methos watches Cassandra escape and does nothing. She later comes back to kill him. (So, it was 2500 years later, but she still tried to kill him!)
This is fun! I know I can think of some more....
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Resident Evil
mdl