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No Such AU, part 1
1.
Looking back, Clark recalled the guy showing up at three rescues before Clark consciously noted him. Photographic memory was nice; it would have been nicer if he could tell what was important in the pictures. In any event, he noticed the man in the cap and long jacket while he was waiting for the police to pick up a handful of bank robbers from the hotel rooftop to which they'd inexplicably fled. The man was pale, the black of his outfit heightening his pallor, blue-eyed, and – yes, X-ray confirmed – bald beneath the cap.
He was watching Clark from the roof of the next building.
Clark was getting used to excited stares, horrified stares, terrified, awe-filled, worshipful, grateful, outraged.
This was different. Intense yet distant, stillness combined with a sense that the man could disappear in an instant, if he wanted to. It was a little like the way Lois looked at Superman, without her desire to write headlines.
Clark didn't give him a chance to disappear. He zipped over to the man, glancing back to make sure the robbers' bonds were secure, then placing himself beside this recurring stranger.
"Excuse me," he said, oddly pleased by the surprise evident on the man's face as he turned. Clark heard his heart rate speed up, though it was still quite low for an ordinary person.
"Hello, Superman," the man said, eyes wide. He had a scar on his lip that drew the eye. "How can I help you?"
"You can tell me who you are and why you're following me around."
The man smiled. "I'm Lex Luthor. As for following you around, how do you supose I would do that, given your unparalleled speed and flight capacity?"
It was a valid point, except – "I've seen you. At the Bank of Metropolis heist, the attempted kidnapping at the Museum of Natural History, and now here."
"Yes," Luthor said equably.
"If you're not following me, how --?"
"Maybe I'm just lucky."
Like that, Clark knew. "You – you set all this up." A quick scan revealed that Luthor was carrying a wide variety of complex electronics, several in unusual places. Not to mention the two guns, three knives and some sort of sharp wire in the lining of his cap.
"Wait, Lex Luthor. Related to Lionel Luthor?" Clark was trying to remember what he knew about Lionel's personal life. It had never seemed important compared to what he tried to do to Smallville.
Luthor frowned. "Unfortunately. But try not to hate me on his account. I much prefer to be hated on my own merits. And I'm not working for my father."
"Then who are you working for?" Clark ought to have been frightened. He was going to be outraged that Luthor had been setting up tests for him. But right now, he felt himself getting into the rhythm of an interview.
Luthor looked at him directly for the first time. His eyes were the blue of the sea ice Clark saw near the Fortress. "I work for the government."
"Which government?" Clark snapped back.
Luthor smiled and leaned forward, too close to Clark, but Clark had no reason to back away. "Good question. You'll be a hero yet."
Before Clark's outrage could erupt, he continued, "I'm a real live nephew of my Uncle Sam, born on the Fourth of July."
Clark drew in a deep breath, then decided he didn't much want to calm down. "Listen," he said, bringing a finger up to poke at Luthor's chest, "I don't know what you guys want from me, but I am not going to get drafted into secret military missions or whatever you have in mind. I'm doing good things for America right here and I have every intention of continuing to do so without any – Yankee Doodle dandies."
Luthor's mouth formed a moue of reluctant admiration as Clark rolled on.
"You get no points from me for putting innocent people in danger."
"I knew you wouldn't let any harm come to an innocent," Luthor disagreed. "Nor would I." One of the guns appeared in his hand, almost as fast as a meteor mutant could have moved. "No one would have been hurt, even if you hadn't shown up. No innocent, that is. They aren't actors, they're legitimate bad guys who could have chosen not to do anything wrong."
"Yeah, and your plans always work out? Never any random variables?" Clark was angrier than usual – angrier than he ever got with Lionel Luthor's machinations, though Lionel was equally likely to claim that he was just acting for the greater good. Lionel had never learned Smallville's greatest lesson, which was that controlling circumstances was a pipe dream in a universe chaotic enough to include an exploding planet whose fragments somehow possessed the power to mutate humans in bizarre ways and threaten the life of the alien with whom they arrived.
Not that he could explain any of that, but he had to try. "Anything could have happened."
"To the contrary. The robbers could neither have flapped their wings and flown away, nor could they have been eaten by wolves. Random variables exist, Superman, but I haven't been much plagued by them since – since I broke my father's leash.
"Here," Luthor said, taking Clark's still-outstretched hand and folding it around a stiff rectangular card. "I believe you aren't about to let yourself be drafted. But it is my job to keep an eye on you, and I think you'll find it's easier to work from knowledge than ignorance. Call me when you want to set up a meeting. Your country expects great things from you, Superman." On his lips, the silly epithet sounded different. Like a promise of some sort.
With that, Lex Luthor was gone, slipping away down stairs Clark hadn't noticed, a heavy metal door clanging shut behind him. Not that Clark couldn't have followed – but it would have been kind of rough on the building's owners, and anyway Clark didn't have a reason to follow him.
End part 1/7
Post Useful Arts:
“I need a hot-air balloon, a classically trained ballet troupe, and ten pounds of your genetically enhanced eggplant.”
Lex looked up from the latest report on the trouble in the Middle East. “Japanese or Italian?” he asked, raising his eyebrows in a mildly questioning fashion.
Kara pouted at him as she plopped into the chair in front of his desk. “Aren’t you going to ask why?”
“Given that you’re going to tell me in ten seconds, I thought I’d ask something more practical.”
She crossed her arms as she leaned back. “Fine. I’m setting Diana up again, and I wanted something special.”
Lex forebore commentary on her definition of ‘special.’ “Again? How many times have you tried this?”
She shrugged. “A couple.”
“I didn’t know you were the League yenta now.”
He watched carefully as Kara shifted slightly in her seat. “I’m not! Wait, a yenta’s not the one who’s a jerk about everything, right?”
“Right,” Lex repeated. “And the lucky man in this special date is …”
“Oh, I’ll figure that out,” Kara said dismissively. “It’s just, look: You and Clark have that whole epic thing going on, not that he wasn’t already intimidating, and the thought of Batman having a healthy relationship is like, fatal runtime error. So it would be nice if one of our leaders, who is by the way amazing all the way through, could find someone who, you know, didn’t start out as a mortal enemy. I mean, Ares has a hard-on for her – a literal hard-on, those gods do not wear nearly enough clothing –” she shuddered – “but that’s not really what I’m looking for.”
Lex watched her, long enough to make sure that she was done. “All right,” he said. “I’ll set it up, complete with my personal chef. One condition.”
She grinned at him and laced her fingers together over her knees. “I’m all ears.”
“You take her on the date.”
“What?” She went nearly as red as her boots. “She wouldn’t – I mean, I don’t –”
“She’s from an all-woman island,” he prodded gently. “I think she’s probably aware of the concept. The worst that could happen is that she’d say no.”
Kara rolled her eyes at him. “The worst that could happen is total unending humiliation and you know it.”
At least she wasn’t worried that rejection would turn her evil, Lex thought. Given the various origin stories around, it wouldn’t have been an unreasonable fear. “I’ll throw in that yellow Lamborghini you like so much,” he said.
“Okay,” she said immediately. “Wait, wait – how am I going to ask her?” This was not a question directed at Lex, so he just smiled slightly. “Are you sure about this?” she continued, real uncertainty in her voice.
“If there’s one thing I believe,” he told her, “it’s that if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.”
1.
Looking back, Clark recalled the guy showing up at three rescues before Clark consciously noted him. Photographic memory was nice; it would have been nicer if he could tell what was important in the pictures. In any event, he noticed the man in the cap and long jacket while he was waiting for the police to pick up a handful of bank robbers from the hotel rooftop to which they'd inexplicably fled. The man was pale, the black of his outfit heightening his pallor, blue-eyed, and – yes, X-ray confirmed – bald beneath the cap.
He was watching Clark from the roof of the next building.
Clark was getting used to excited stares, horrified stares, terrified, awe-filled, worshipful, grateful, outraged.
This was different. Intense yet distant, stillness combined with a sense that the man could disappear in an instant, if he wanted to. It was a little like the way Lois looked at Superman, without her desire to write headlines.
Clark didn't give him a chance to disappear. He zipped over to the man, glancing back to make sure the robbers' bonds were secure, then placing himself beside this recurring stranger.
"Excuse me," he said, oddly pleased by the surprise evident on the man's face as he turned. Clark heard his heart rate speed up, though it was still quite low for an ordinary person.
"Hello, Superman," the man said, eyes wide. He had a scar on his lip that drew the eye. "How can I help you?"
"You can tell me who you are and why you're following me around."
The man smiled. "I'm Lex Luthor. As for following you around, how do you supose I would do that, given your unparalleled speed and flight capacity?"
It was a valid point, except – "I've seen you. At the Bank of Metropolis heist, the attempted kidnapping at the Museum of Natural History, and now here."
"Yes," Luthor said equably.
"If you're not following me, how --?"
"Maybe I'm just lucky."
Like that, Clark knew. "You – you set all this up." A quick scan revealed that Luthor was carrying a wide variety of complex electronics, several in unusual places. Not to mention the two guns, three knives and some sort of sharp wire in the lining of his cap.
"Wait, Lex Luthor. Related to Lionel Luthor?" Clark was trying to remember what he knew about Lionel's personal life. It had never seemed important compared to what he tried to do to Smallville.
Luthor frowned. "Unfortunately. But try not to hate me on his account. I much prefer to be hated on my own merits. And I'm not working for my father."
"Then who are you working for?" Clark ought to have been frightened. He was going to be outraged that Luthor had been setting up tests for him. But right now, he felt himself getting into the rhythm of an interview.
Luthor looked at him directly for the first time. His eyes were the blue of the sea ice Clark saw near the Fortress. "I work for the government."
"Which government?" Clark snapped back.
Luthor smiled and leaned forward, too close to Clark, but Clark had no reason to back away. "Good question. You'll be a hero yet."
Before Clark's outrage could erupt, he continued, "I'm a real live nephew of my Uncle Sam, born on the Fourth of July."
Clark drew in a deep breath, then decided he didn't much want to calm down. "Listen," he said, bringing a finger up to poke at Luthor's chest, "I don't know what you guys want from me, but I am not going to get drafted into secret military missions or whatever you have in mind. I'm doing good things for America right here and I have every intention of continuing to do so without any – Yankee Doodle dandies."
Luthor's mouth formed a moue of reluctant admiration as Clark rolled on.
"You get no points from me for putting innocent people in danger."
"I knew you wouldn't let any harm come to an innocent," Luthor disagreed. "Nor would I." One of the guns appeared in his hand, almost as fast as a meteor mutant could have moved. "No one would have been hurt, even if you hadn't shown up. No innocent, that is. They aren't actors, they're legitimate bad guys who could have chosen not to do anything wrong."
"Yeah, and your plans always work out? Never any random variables?" Clark was angrier than usual – angrier than he ever got with Lionel Luthor's machinations, though Lionel was equally likely to claim that he was just acting for the greater good. Lionel had never learned Smallville's greatest lesson, which was that controlling circumstances was a pipe dream in a universe chaotic enough to include an exploding planet whose fragments somehow possessed the power to mutate humans in bizarre ways and threaten the life of the alien with whom they arrived.
Not that he could explain any of that, but he had to try. "Anything could have happened."
"To the contrary. The robbers could neither have flapped their wings and flown away, nor could they have been eaten by wolves. Random variables exist, Superman, but I haven't been much plagued by them since – since I broke my father's leash.
"Here," Luthor said, taking Clark's still-outstretched hand and folding it around a stiff rectangular card. "I believe you aren't about to let yourself be drafted. But it is my job to keep an eye on you, and I think you'll find it's easier to work from knowledge than ignorance. Call me when you want to set up a meeting. Your country expects great things from you, Superman." On his lips, the silly epithet sounded different. Like a promise of some sort.
With that, Lex Luthor was gone, slipping away down stairs Clark hadn't noticed, a heavy metal door clanging shut behind him. Not that Clark couldn't have followed – but it would have been kind of rough on the building's owners, and anyway Clark didn't have a reason to follow him.
End part 1/7
Post Useful Arts:
“I need a hot-air balloon, a classically trained ballet troupe, and ten pounds of your genetically enhanced eggplant.”
Lex looked up from the latest report on the trouble in the Middle East. “Japanese or Italian?” he asked, raising his eyebrows in a mildly questioning fashion.
Kara pouted at him as she plopped into the chair in front of his desk. “Aren’t you going to ask why?”
“Given that you’re going to tell me in ten seconds, I thought I’d ask something more practical.”
She crossed her arms as she leaned back. “Fine. I’m setting Diana up again, and I wanted something special.”
Lex forebore commentary on her definition of ‘special.’ “Again? How many times have you tried this?”
She shrugged. “A couple.”
“I didn’t know you were the League yenta now.”
He watched carefully as Kara shifted slightly in her seat. “I’m not! Wait, a yenta’s not the one who’s a jerk about everything, right?”
“Right,” Lex repeated. “And the lucky man in this special date is …”
“Oh, I’ll figure that out,” Kara said dismissively. “It’s just, look: You and Clark have that whole epic thing going on, not that he wasn’t already intimidating, and the thought of Batman having a healthy relationship is like, fatal runtime error. So it would be nice if one of our leaders, who is by the way amazing all the way through, could find someone who, you know, didn’t start out as a mortal enemy. I mean, Ares has a hard-on for her – a literal hard-on, those gods do not wear nearly enough clothing –” she shuddered – “but that’s not really what I’m looking for.”
Lex watched her, long enough to make sure that she was done. “All right,” he said. “I’ll set it up, complete with my personal chef. One condition.”
She grinned at him and laced her fingers together over her knees. “I’m all ears.”
“You take her on the date.”
“What?” She went nearly as red as her boots. “She wouldn’t – I mean, I don’t –”
“She’s from an all-woman island,” he prodded gently. “I think she’s probably aware of the concept. The worst that could happen is that she’d say no.”
Kara rolled her eyes at him. “The worst that could happen is total unending humiliation and you know it.”
At least she wasn’t worried that rejection would turn her evil, Lex thought. Given the various origin stories around, it wouldn’t have been an unreasonable fear. “I’ll throw in that yellow Lamborghini you like so much,” he said.
“Okay,” she said immediately. “Wait, wait – how am I going to ask her?” This was not a question directed at Lex, so he just smiled slightly. “Are you sure about this?” she continued, real uncertainty in her voice.
“If there’s one thing I believe,” he told her, “it’s that if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.”
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Kara and her girl crush is so cute - Lex makes a better yenta then Kara does.
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I don't think Lex would yenta for anyone but Kara.
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So much excellent characterization and sheer fun! You're the best!
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His eyes were the blue of the sea ice Clark saw near the Fortress.
Clark's already caught, isn't he?
Yum.
And the second one was very cute. Loved the way Kara described Lex and Superman as epic. *g* They so are.
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It’s just, look: You and Clark have that whole epic thing going on, not that he wasn’t already intimidating, and the thought of Batman having a healthy relationship is like, fatal runtime error. So it would be nice if one of our leaders, who is by the way amazing all the way through, could find someone who, you know, didn’t start out as a mortal enemy.
Aw, I love this especially.
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YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY.
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